Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Thinking too much or it's true?

Often I wonder, whether I'm disliked by everyone.
It's not an unusual scenario that people talk bad about others, gossiping about others or dislike other people. So I'm just wondering, how many people in this world actually hates me.

When I tried to make conversations with others and the other party doesn't seem to respond, I will think that they hate me. They don't want to talk to me. When I tried to be nice, I'm scared that they're just 'forcing' themselves to be nice to me. When I talk a lot, I'm worried that people will be annoyed that I talked too much. When I ask a lot of question, I will think that they're irritated by me.

A lot of times, my friends said that I'm too serious. I don't know how to have fun. Most of the time, I can't blend into others' conversation. I tried, but I just can't. People say I'm too quiet. And there's times people say I'm action because I look like one. And worst, people are scared of me.

Sigh. Is it just I'm thinking too much? But I think it's true. That's why I don't have much friends in my life. Saddening huh.

Different people has different views on different things. Nobody can find somebody who shares the same view on every single thing. Each individual has their own preferences. Who they want to mix with, what they want to do, where they want to go. Some people choose to be flexible, some insist on doing their way.

Where are the miracles?
Do they even exist?
I'm feeling so miserable.
Someone make them go away please.
Who are the people who can make me smile?
Where are you when I need you to make me laugh?
Day and night I feel so dull,
I've cried long enough.

Fearing that people will get annoyed of me asking too many questions, I talk less, I ask less.
I feel like i'm forming a shield from the outside world.
I fear that people will hurt me, and also me hurting other people.
I don't dare to tell people about myself. I'm scared people will run away from me.
Well, no matter what I do, people will run away from me.

Sigh, I don't know why am I blogging about this. I'm losing faith in myself. I'm losing faith in people around me.
I don't want... I don't want to be like this.

Signing off, the emo me.


SueShen said...

Hey...dun worry about that, u're not alone. I think about that a lot sometimes... that resulted my mood swings. U can say i'm still going through this kind of thing. Just be how u want~ As long as u dun have any bad intentions, its ok. Live ur life for urself, not to please other people. The people who know u long enough will accept the u the way u r.

Eebeelinny said...

Thanks Sue Shen.
I guess i'm getting emo out of the sudden.