Sunday, August 02, 2015

I've learned that...

Times flies... it's been more than a year now since I last blogged here.. hmm suddenly just feel like writing something...

Much has changed... I've left my kitchen job, began a hawker stall business with my family, doing alright with everything, so much more free time for myself, so much more freedom, yet didn't seemed to achieve much and now I quit from it and wanting to go back into kitchen life. I don't know.. I don't know am I doing right, or wrong. Am I doing what I'm supposed to do. Where am I suppose to head to?

You know, I feel weird that, sometimes when you feel that you have no confidence at all doing one thing, and when you've done it, it turned out fair or better than you expect. It often is like that. But now, I've been hit by this feeling where, I thought I will do alright, I thought that I can nail it, I thought there were options and that they all will be available for me to choose from, you were in such a dilemma trying to choose one, and then boom, you picked one, nothing happened, and you pick the other, nothing happened as well. And you realize, you have no choice at all, and practically you end up with nothing. Seriously, nothing.

I've been feeling kinda shitty these few days. Jobless. Income-less. Aimless. Of course there are choices, many many choices, but not the types that you aim for. I can't just simply ini mini maini more and go for one. And then I start wondering if the problem was on myself. Being too picky? or my resume just sucks? or is it I have attitude problem that I am not aware that I am being detested?

I always thought that people will for sure reply your email, even if it's to reject you. I was wrong. I've just learned that people will just ignore your email. Without telling you why. I've learned that you will fail... people will just suck out all the confidence you've got and you'll struggle to stand back up. You will stand back up, just a matter of time. I've learned that, there are impossible things in this world. There are. Yes you can work hard for luxurious things. Those are not impossible. You can try and try for something that you desire, but there are still things that are impossible to gain. No matter how much you try, or you know it not even needing to try. And I've learned that, no matter how, you'll always be alone. People can help you, people are willing to help you, you have friends and family but choices, faith, strength and life still belongs to you and only you. People can help you but people can't help you all the time. You still need to stand back up by yourself, no one else could but only through yourself and by yourself you must understand this and do it. And hopefully, a path will rise and a door will open for me since the last door is closed.