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Can't seem to find the word I want for the title of this post. I feel so... pointless, hopeless, stuck, blunt... I can't find the exact word to explain how I'm feeling right now. Been thinking a lot quite lately. And it's all related to my studies, my future career.

This will bore you guys. But heck, i just want to express how I'm feeling right now.

Was chatting with pokok Chunyiun yesterday and started talking about studies and work. At times, I sort of regret taking up degree currently. Management and theoretical studies were never part of my interest. But people always say, without a degree how can you survive? I agree. Employers nowadays look at your qualification when they hire people. But hey, tonnes of people out there without a degree qualification made it big out there. So what if you have a degree? You still have to start from the bottom. And I somehow feel that to success in the working industry, one needs to be creative, to be able to face challenges, good talking skills. I seriously don't think I have any of those elements. I admit I have a bit of the brains, yeah, I get quite good results but hey, it's all memorizing. I doubt I'll ever put them to use in the future. Sigh.

It's quite difficult when you have a mum who thinks much differently than you. She wants you to go overseas, wants you to be successful so that she is proud of you. But I'm not the type of person who will strive to achieve success! I'm just an ordinary person who wants an ordinary and happy job with a stable income, that's all! I don't want to compete with other people. I don't want to be compared. I guess it's all about the fears in me. The lack of confidence. In the modern society, teamwork is very important. But I am an individualistic person I would say. I often prefer working on my own. But of course, if I can get along very well with a group, I will give out my 100% to the group. Many people often say I'm just too scared to try. I admit. I'm always scared. Fear of the future, fear of people, fear of myself, fear of failure, fear of talking, fear of anything and everything. Listening to what the lecturers said about the quality of employees the industry need, I lagi scared.

But no matter what, I have to make my decision. There are choices, and I have to choose the one that means the most to me. Sigh. God, help me. I'm 'stranded'. I seriously feel like it's the end of the world.

Anyway, parents went Cambodia few weeks ago and bought some 6 Nike shirts and 1 pants for me. Same design, different colours haha.


Life is so full of happiness and sorrows. I must learn to live happily each day.

.I hope I can win.