Mixed Feelings

I guess when someone is jobless, aimless, motivationless, she'll start to think a lot... She'll worry for everything under the sun, everything over the moon, things that has no relation with her she'll also start wondering about.

All sorts of different different feelings are jumbled up within parts of my brain, and it's affecting my heart, my actions, my whatever.

1. I am disappointed. There's this DJ which I can say is my most favorite DJ of all. When I heard the news of him going over to another company, to be honest, I was pretty disappointed. I mean, he is like the signature of his ex company. And going to the new company is like going over to a competitor. But after reading some forums, well, I guess it's his choice, it's his career, it's just like a normal person changing jobs, only plus the popularity part. Maybe the new company can give him opportunity to gain more fame. Purposely waited for him after the post party last weekend, called up to him, but he sounds so unfamiliar. Sigh. But he did reply, he was rushing off so too bad. Saw a blog entry regarding this DJ last night, and I'm starting to doubt my impression on this DJ. I could choose not to believe the blog post, but it's from someone who knows this DJ. So what can I say? All the while I think this DJ is friendly, nice, hardworking, humble, funny. But now? Is the posting exaggerating? Or is this DJ really like that? Oh, I always feel disgusted when I hear him saying the company's slogan. It's like a minute ago he was highly promoting the ex company, and now the new one. Yucks.

2. I'm grateful. I am happy to have so many good friends. Thanks to those who took the effort to introduce jobs to me. Gan dong dao... I really, really appreciate your efforts. And I'm grateful for one of my lecturer, instead of urging me to get a job, he asked me to 'take ur time' :) Very surprised to hear this coming from lecturers.

3. I'm jealous. Why do some people manage to get a good job so quickly, and so contented with their job? Why do some people are being treated better even though all are from the same level? Why do some people get to travel so much? Why some people are so rich? Why do some people have the ability to purchase so many things, does money fall from the sky? Hmm, I guess it's just 'you see me good, i see you good' (cantonese) kinda thing.

4. I'm emo. Never make someone your priority when you're only an option to them. Someone has already replaced me. Well, I guess I'm never good and never meant to be good. But i'm proud of who i am.

5. I'm missing my idol. My *wub* idol. It feels like ages since I last saw him, which is like, erm, 24 days ago? Omg, it's been so long! Almost a month! I never been able to catch the show he host, so I totally don't see him at ALL. Deng. And I will only see him on 30th. Sigh, long more to go. ~When will I see you again~ :(:(:(

6. I'm scared. Ok peeps, if possible, never ever stay at Ria Apartment in Genting. It gives me the creeps. Well, i mean, nothing really happened, but I feel it's so 'not maintained'. The kitchen stinks, the pots and pans looks dirty, the pipe drips, the showerhead falls, and the blanket looks darn dirty! Plus, stories you hear about that place tortures your mentality, making you unable to sleep. Creepy-deepy.

7. I'm troubled. Lots of considerations to make, lots of decisions to make, lots of changes to apply, lots of determination needed, lots of discipline required. Sigh.. *namo namo* I should be grateful that i'm still alive.