Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Going through...

Just got back from ss2 pasar malam and sooyin's birthday celebration at Kepong.

Happy Birthday again Sooyin!! You're the best gal! All the best in your future undertakings. Aherm aherm! kakaka.

The drive home alone just now was... hmm... how do I put it... unusual. Track 1 of Soler's X2 cd was repeating over and over again. Sometimes, it just feels good to be alone. And somehow, the chorus of this song always makes me cry. Yeah, I cried. All the way from TTDI back home. I guess, emoness strikes people at odd times.

At this very moment, I long to turn back into a kid. A kid with a simple mind of 'mommy, I want sweet' or 'Mommy, can I go out and play?'. I want to get away from the complicated, vicious relationships among adults. I want to leave this saturated, selfish world filled with hatred, jealousy, and lies. But, 'want to'? Hardy har har. These two words doesn't seem to exist in this world anymore. Things have become 'you have to' or 'you need to' or 'you must'. Options seemed to be a luxurious, high end product that you can never afford to pay for.

I'm in fear. I'm in doubt. I'm also in trouble. Aih. I guess I walked myself into trouble. I'm doubting my own capability. My own will. My own strength. I don't even trust myself, what for others to trust me? I shall hold on a few more days. Soon... very soon... I know I will breakdown... very, very soon.

Seriously, I'm tired. Very tired. Of everything. Maybe it's time, or a sign, for me to leave. Not to be so into it. I stepped into this trap, too deep that I can't possible dig my way out. Or is it that I never tried letting lose before? Hmm, I seriously don't know.

I just want to be a plain, normal person leading a simple life. I've walked past a lot of things in life without really appreciating them. I've let a lot of people down due to my own irresponsibilities. It's time for me to replace them. I guess all my friends had found jobs already. Whereas I am still lingering around doing NOTHING. Everyone had already braced themselves in doing important things in their lives but I am still being a useless piece of shyt.

I just want to see him everyday. See him sing makes me feel good. He makes us smile. But, who am I to say anything? I am a nobody. Ok, I think people happy also will feel depressed reading my blog. Signing off. Cheerio~ Hmm, I think it's good being a nobody though.

~ I just want to be simple and naive.

2 comments:

Shin Sar said...

The Emo Gang is back!! Haha.

Don't worry gal. Things will be ok by the end of the day. If you want a shoulder to lend on, there's one here ;) You are always welcome cos I might need yours, too =D

Albee said...

sar, emo is like a season, now new season is coming back. hahahaha...

Ya ya, just like d perpatah in cantonese "what what boat in the river will straight at last" (sorry, gua cantonese got limitation one).

EVE, if u think sar shoulder not big enough, i got a bigger shoulder. One times can give u 2 ppls lend. muahahaha... (suddenly so proud of my big shoulder) :p