Saturday, December 31, 2011

Last day of 2011

Here I am sitting at Toast Box MV blogging on the last day of 2011. The mall is crowded with people, almost every shop is having their year end sale, i see boyfriends and husbands standing outside Vincci waiting for their other half doing their shoes shopping :p

How do i feel about 2011? Hmm, it's been tough honestly. Tough in the sense of emotionally. My 2011 was filled with much much emotions, mixtures of complicated feelings. There are good sides of it of course, and bad ones as well.

I experienced new things, such as going for marathons, I visited a new country which is Hong Kong. I am still able to find time to get together with my school and college mates whom we don't get to meet often.

I am grateful that i have friends and family who are very supportive and do include me in many activities. I sometimes do feel that due to my working hours and that i'm not a nice person to hang out with that people wont want to include me in their outings, but i'm grateful that i do get to join them. Thinking too much maybe.

I learned that there are stages in treating your friends, your loved ones and your family. I learned that there are limits, there are gaps, there are things that can be said, things that can't be said. Sometimes, truths are the words that can't be said. And sometimes, people just don't tell what's inside their heart. Express your words to your loved ones before everything becomes too late. Let them know how you feel before you regret.

I learned that health is a very important thing. I see people falling sick very frequently. Please take care of your health because without good health, nothing can be done well.

I learned that if you want to do something, you need to spend time, keep trying, have patience and do it whole heartedly to get the result that you want. I see the way my parents plant the plants in Seremban, they spend hours digging, plucking weeds under the hot sun, wrapping the fruits one by one, separating chicken dungs. They failed at some cuz some of the plants die, but they just shrug it off and plant new ones. Hmm, something to learn.

I learned that some things will never be the same again once it's gone, once you cut the string, it cant be put back together like how it supposed to be. No matter how much you pray or hope. Miracles do not happen, just like fairy tales does not exist in the real world. I learned that envy and jealousy really can kill. It did, it killed me. I've yet to forgive myself, and don't think that I'll be forgiven. Don't deserve anything. Wouldn't ask, couldn't ask. The grass is greener on the other side. I can even envy a girl I don't know on the street, thinking she's so pretty, her body is so nice. We'll never stop wanting to know, wanting to ask, wanting to question, wanting to understand, but often there are things you wouldn't be able to know or understand no matter how much you wish to.

10 years back we asked ourselves during high school how will we be when we're 25. Now that we're 25, we'd rather go back to 10 years ago, and also we wonder what's it gonna be like tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, everyday hoping for a better tomorrow, wishing that we didn't make so much mistakes, didn't caused so much sorrows, hoping that we didn't hurt people so much, wishing it didn't hurt so much as well.

I don't count myself being a good person this year, because I seemed to caused a lot of mistakes, fume and sadness to others. Rather than feeling good, i feel my self esteem went down, a lot. I lost some confidence in myself, in terms of erm... socializing i would say. Sometimes it felt like, everything I do or say seems to be wrong, seems to create anger. Nothing seems right. I need to learn so much more in treating my friends and family good, need to learn so much more not to create sins.

It wasn't a bad year for me, nor very good. There's so much more that I need to learn, that is. A lot a lot a lot a lot to learn. I have to remain 'expect the unexpected'. I have to learn not to expect. I have to learn to be good.

Happy new year to everyone out there. Have a great 2012. May you achieve more. May you be blessed with love, joy, happiness, great health and great wealth always.

-I'm sorry I over reacted, no matter what, just call my name and i'll be there when you needed.
-Thank you for being in my 2011.

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